I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
