the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
50% drunk capacity currently
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
