He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dick very happy bro
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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