Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
