Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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