I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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