what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
