and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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