How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
