You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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