Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
