Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
