Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
