This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
