Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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