apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
