I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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