I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
