when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize