we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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