this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
