when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
