it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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