I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
