she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
