oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
