You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
