I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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