You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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