the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
