how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
