You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
