is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
