um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
