Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
