I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
