somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
