like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
