You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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