dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
