All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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