You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
