After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she peed on how many people?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
