shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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