Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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