Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
