basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
