I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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