I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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