and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize