his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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