Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
