I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i've created a new STD.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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