I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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