I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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