My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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