remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
