She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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