I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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