I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
