The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
