Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
