If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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