I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize