Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this just has baby written all over it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
