I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize