i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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