Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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