So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
