You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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