i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
