Already got asked if we're dating
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
