Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
