I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
