Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
