I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he puts the penis in happiness.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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